Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Gay Adult Stars - The Human Side

This post is dedicated to dispelling the myth that gay adult entertainers are one dimensional.

Many are extremely creative, intelligent, compassionate, educated individuals who do not always get the dignity and respect they deserve.

Since there are a bazillion sites and blogs posting the SCENES of adult stars I thought you might enjoy a post showing the more natural and human side of these talented men.  It takes a great deal of time for these busy entertainers to create their sites and blogs so I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

As Mitch Vaughn stated in an interview on the Books and Porn  blog site, quote, “I think the public has a mindset that the guys who do porn are just stupid. Someone with a cock and nothing between the ears. I have been so surprised at how many down to earth, VERY intelligent guys I have met in the industry”. His interview along with many other adult performers can be seen on their site Books and Porn.

Before you read this post please keep in mind the following:

1. There are probably thousands of gay adult entertainer web sites and I have certainly not read all of them.
I did not review FB pages.

2.  Many sites are strictly promotional in nature, which is not a bad thing since I understand the necessity from a marketing standpoint. However, for the purposes of this post I presented ones that were more personal in nature.

3.  If you know of or have a site that is not a FB page, a pay site or strictly promotional in nature please let me know since I would like to do more reviews and postings of entertainers personal blogs in the future.

For those of you who heavily follow the adult entertainment industry the names may not be new to you.

But for those of you who do not please enjoy the writings of some wonderful, multi-talented and insightful individuals.

Mr. Romero does an excellent job of answering the many questions he gets from his fans.

If you like zany with a capital “Z” than Mr. Colby Keller is your man. His collection of “I See Penis” pictures he finds and sent in by his fans with his comments listed below the pictures are absolutely hysterical. He has been blogging since 2009 and you will see more personal items in his earlier posts and what a sweet natured man he really is.

CONNER HABIB - San Francisco
Right this moment it seems that Mr. Conner Habib has interviews and essays posted everywhere. And it is his writing that does get him notice. Notoriety as not only an educated man but a compassionate one.  His post about the very subject of “compassion” here is one that I believe every straight person should read. And his bare-naked expression of his feelings of love in his post about domestic violence are heart wrenching. 

Has one of the most unique blogs on the internet today. He started it more than 4 years ago and it is still going strong. He endears himself to his readers with his intelligence, wit and ability to show vulnerability along with sometimes brutal self examination. He gives insightful and practical information about those looking to get into the industry.  And the interviews he has done over the years are some of the best and most honest I have heard concerning the adult entertainment industry. One of my personal favorites is the one he gave on Queer & Queerer. It is a longer audio interview but well worth your time, as is his blog.

Is a veteran of the adult entertainment industry. Mr. Washington talks openly about the problems and issues he and the industry go through. Also is very brave in talking about his struggles with bi-polar disorder which I find most endearing, noble and honest. A very articulate man.

EDDIE STONE - Toronto Canada
He has a delightful selection of posts he calls “Porn Star Bed Time Story” that he also tweets about. Having Sex vs. Love is a favorite of mine.

This one is a rather tough one to read. He entitles his blog “A Romance With Misery” so you are forewarned.  His commentaries of lashing out and conversely apologizing to folks who post on his Tumblr site are hard to stop reading, something akin to “staring at an accident scene”.  Also at his older blog at  However I have included it here because I feel it is a very revealing human struggle of pain and addiction. And because, just like real life the adult entertainment industry is not always pretty.
I am sad to report he passed away on June 14th 2012, he was just 30 years old.

I know I said I did not want to review strictly promotional blogs and I know this one is contracted with however Mr. Jesse Jackman really does a great job of giving you an insiders look at the adult entertainment industry if you click on his “Behind The Scenes” link. His quote about one of his recent viewings of a video where he says, “the musical score was written in the key of leaf blower” was hysterical.  He is also open about his condition of Peyronie’s Disease causing a curvature of the penis which affects many men. Being open and talking about it intelligently I believe will go a long way in helping men with this condition feel less embarrassed and good about themselves. Because lets face it, a penis is a beautiful thing! ; -)

KENNEDY CARTER- From UK, Living in Mexico City for a year
Many adult entertainers crisscross the continents to film and Mr. Carter is no exception but what I found unique about him was the fact of how much he is trying to do. His major in the UK is Latin studies and he is immersing himself in the language by living in Mexico City for 2012 while working toward his degree. Famous, M/M erotic romance writer J.P. Barnaby did a wonderful interview of him on her blog  and
several other adult entertainment stars. If you have not already read them get on over to her site and click on her blog.  But Mr. Kennedy definitely wins cuteness points for this post on his personal blog.

KIERON RYAN - Los Angeles, CA
Talks candidly about his first year travels into becoming a adult entertainment star.
An educated man, he dispels the myth that people are in the adult entertainment industry because they have no other options. His blog is an excellent read and also deals with the world of leather, BDSM and fetish players.

LEO FORTE - Los Angeles, CA

Dispels the myth that adult entertainers are not deep thinkers. Leo is a multi-talented man who is a gifted artist and writer. He guest writes on others blogs as well. He is also a very accomplished fetish PLAYER and rigger. I emphasized “player” because he wants viewers to know there is a difference between adult entertainers who model and do a fetish scene as oppose to ones who practice it in their own lives.

Yes I know his new site now has promotional and pay videos on it but I wanted to recognize the charitable contribution he made and I know many, many other adult entertainers do.

I would really like to do a posting on the contributions adult stars have made to charity so please let me know of their good works.

NICK CAPRA - Southern CA, retired
A little hard to read because it is all in one long block on each post but he gives a very insightful and critical look at himself and the “appearance factor” in the industry. The obsession to look younger as we age and the honest look he takes at himself for the things he tried to do to accomplish that. I feel for that it is well worth the read.

RYAN RAZ - St. Louis MO retired model but still involved with the industry
This man says he LOVES to travel. In 2011 he said he has logged over 200,526
air miles, visited 12 different countries and posts some wonderful pictures and observations of exotic locations that would make a travel magazine drool.  I also loved his comment and post, If you are reading this then you know that being gay isn't a choice, its just the way I am. If you disagree with that I beg you to do a swan dive off a freeway overpass. While I do not agree with what these protestors have to say, I love the fact that they are able to say it. One of the many things that makes this country great is the fact that we have the right to express our opinions when ever we want to. In too many places in the world people are told what they are or are not allowed to express. If these people, as ignorant as they maybe, want to stand there and tell me how I am wrong then thats fine. As long as they are not being violent or causing harm to anybody, then I will fully support their right to protest.” Well said Mr. Raz.

TONY BUFF - Seattle WA
Due to his heavy production schedule for Fetish Force he does not have the time to update his blog however it is still an excellent read for his time and insights on the leather and BDSM communities and his history with them and I feel deserves the time to be read so I have included it with the list.


I always appreciate it when individuals who have a public platform to lead from actually do lead.
In a quote from his blog “Do we go to a condom only environment? is the industry safer condom only? To me this is a true statement but not for the obvious reasons, see too me the problem is this not what happens on camera but off camera....... how do we as performers and overly sexual people behave in our private lives. the problem are those who are not safe off camera who think "oh I cant get HIV" or simply think "it wont happen to me".
But where do they get these ideas? Where does one learn about sex? For many of us including myself yes, its has been widely due to what we see in porn. many have taken it a step further seeing no condoms as the normal way sex should happen. So I myself would have no problem going to a condom only industry. I watch a lot of porn and if there is a condom in the scene to me it takes nothing away from it. So whats the problem with condoms?”

Well said Mr. Diesel.

His post on his reflection on World AIDS Day is definitely worth reading a second time and a third and maybe a fourth and fifth until we get it.

Yes I know his site is mostly promotional in nature however I want everyone to get a chance to read and think about what he says here on his blog.

As I stated earlier I would like to include more posts like this one that show the natural and more human side to these brave individuals. If you know of a blog of this type I encourage you to send me a comment about it.

A SPECIAL NOTE to all the men in this industry who take the time to let their friends and fans know about themselves and their lives.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Studio I Write For

So how did a straight gal from Southern California in the U.S. end up writing for a gay European adult studio? Well in all honesty I basically insulted them.

My business background is in marketing and I absently fired off a comment on one of their blogs saying I didn’t like they way they were “marketing” their models and insinuated their practices were nefarious at best. Because no one ever reads the emails on an adult site blog let alone posts them. There is just some poor guy sitting in front of a computer at 1:00am scrolling through hundreds of “spam” just deleting it right?

So I felt better for having gotten that off my chest, knowing it would never see the light of day and went on with life.

Then a couple days later BAM! I get an email from this European studio.

Now I quickly start trying to remember, what did I say in my email? Did I say anything libelous that could get me sued? Oh my God how much is this going to cost me, they are a big studio for heaven’s sake. Can I change my address or move out of the State before they actually track me down? How much does a plane ticket to Argentina costs these days?
All these thoughts are racing through my brain at warp speed but I decided to just bite the bullet and open the email.

Oh no!

It was way worse than I thought. Not only had the studio contacted me about my post to their blog it was from the owner of said studio.

Great, now you are in deep, deep dog doody girl.  You had better get out the suitcase and start packing before a couple of big burly guys with foreign accents show up at your door asking you to “take a ride“ with them.

Then I started to read the email and realized he actually wanted to “discuss” my comments and my concerns. Of course I am no fool, well except for the stupid post I made, but I am thinking he just wants me to stick my foot farther into my mouth so he has more ammunition to sue me with right?

So we started to correspond and I actually found him to be a very articulate, intelligent and compassionate individual. I do not know why I thought someone in the adult industry would not have these qualities, I guess I thought he would be, oh never mind what I thought, I just didn’t think he would be……..nice.

And then things got really weird.

He said he found my style of writing “interesting”. I thought, interesting like mental or interesting like interesting. Apparently he thought interesting like interesting and asked me if I would consider a gig writing for his studio blogs and helping with some of their model blogs.


So I fired back another email and let him know I had never done any writing like that before and there was no way, no how, I would write hardcore. And the couple of raunchy sentences that pass for writing on the bulk of adult studio so-called blogs was NOT what I would be interested in doing.

I figured that was that and I could go back to my good old boring, quiet, non-interesting, thank you very much, life.

So you are still here aren’t you?

Well you know things did not end there and now here I am a straight girl writing for a gay studio and I still keep turning around looking for the porn writing police to take my keyboard away for me.

I figured my new “career” would be over as soon as they took a look at my writing and the new way I wanted to market their studio.

But again that didn’t happen and in the words of Sally Fields, “they like me, they really like me” were starting to sink in. Or at least that is what they are telling me right now.

But I am still scared. Can I really do this? I don’t want to hurt anyone with my writing and I certainly do not want to hurt the gay models who work so hard to produce the videos. I want to bring some dignity, respect, pride and some humor into their lives and I do not know if I am up to the challenge. I wish I was gay so I could do a better job for them.

So these insecurities cause me to lay awake at night, chewing on my lower lip, counting the patterns on my curtains and causing me to drink coffee in the morning for the first time in years to counteract my lack of nightly repose.

To assuage some of my fear and anxiety I went in search of any groups, conventions, clubs, chats, two crickets getting together, whatever, that fit my new job specifications-----US straight girl writing for European adult gay studio.

So far I have not found any. The closest I have come are the beautiful M/M erotic romance writers who are a delightful group but it is still fiction writing that they do and they are way more talented than I am.

With no one to mentor or to talk to or even exchange an occasional email with I have resorted to you little blog.

I need to get these anxious feelings out of my head so I can stop counting the patterns in my curtains at night and STOP drinking the damn coffee!

I have not mentioned the name of the studio here little blog because my relationship with them is still so new and frankly tenuous.

And I have no illusions here. If they do not see an improvement with the new way I have presented the writing and marketing of their studio and models it will be “adios little straight girl”. “We will go back to our old way of doing things“.

So I am going to have to use you as my confidant for now little blog.  I just hope I do not make too many mistakes as I learn my way around the adult entertainment business and also look for more understanding in the divide that still exists between the straight and gay worlds.

To be continued……………..I hope.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

More Letters In My Alphabet Soup

Some of you may be asking "Whats up with all the new letters I have seen?"

What do all the letters mean?

Most of us are familiar with the initials LGBT the acronym for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender.

I have also seen the following additions
LGBTQ - Q- Questioning

LGBTQI - I - Intersex
LGBTQIA - A - Asexual
And I have seen others that I could not find definitions for.

I have also seen it written GLBT but for the purposes of this blog I will use the LGBT initials used by organizations like GLAAD, PFLAG, The Advocate and many others.

This in no way means I do not acknowledge all the added ones, so please do not think I do not include you all here.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Gay Bars and Bridal Parties, Seriously?

     I read an article the other week by Brian Moylan at that just irked me, yes irked. That is the condition somewhere between mildly annoyed and full blown irritation.

     He talked about a trend that has been happening more and more over the years and that is straight women and men going to gay bars and clubs.

     Now that is not what specifically irked me it was the added notion of straight women wanting to have their Bachelorette or Bridal showers there and expect special treatment for showing up.

     Now I am aware the bar cannot discriminate by sexual orientation who they let in but Bachelorette and Bridal parties, give me a break. Or should I say give the bar and their staff and clientele a break. I know you straight folks are going to say that the reason you go is for the great music, dance floor, drinks, DJ, dancers, performers etc. But lets be honest, you are going there to stare, gape, ogle, gawk.

     I live in a big city so there is a pretty good selection of gay bars here but that is not the case everywhere. Some men have to drive miles just to find a bar where they can be comfortable, have a drink and know they are not going to get punched for hitting on another guy. Remember straight people have a monopoly on 95% of the bars in any given area.

     So ladies if you really have your heart set on having your next “girl-party” at a gay bar at least do a little research before you make plans. Call the bar up and ask to speak with the manager and let them know what you are planning and ask what day and time they would suggest for you and your guests.
     If they sound like they would rather slit their wrists than talk with you then this is definitely not the bar you want to go to. On the other hand some may be quite accommodating and give you suggestions on the best day and time for your event. And I am aware that gay bars can have some of the best dance floors, DJ’s and VERY hot male performers but be respectful when you are there. The world has plenty of dumb asses, you do not need to be known as one of them.
     And above all BE A GOOD TIPPER. Bartenders, wait staff, dancers, performers make their money from tips and they work hard for them.

Please take a moment to read Mr. Moylan’s article entitled Etiquette guide for straight people in gay bars.

NOTE TO STRAIGHT FOLKS- If you are going to London you might want to call ahead if you are planning to visit gay bars.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I Write Gay Non-Fiction

 I still quiver a bit when I type the above words.

     I am sure you have all heard of erotic and gay erotic fiction novels. All you have to do is go to Amazon and type in erotica romance or gay erotica and see the thousands of titles that come up.

     There are many talented writers in this field and I would never compare my meager writing talents to their's. 

     The writings I am currently doing for a gay European adult studio and for some of their model blogs are non-fiction based.

      I write about the beauty and artistry of what they create on film which is fantasy based yes, but what they do is quite real. I will also start to write about their models lives which is definitely reality based.

     But I will admit to you blog, that I am new to this and a bit scared. The seeds of doubt in my brain grow like weeds in my garden, sometimes choking me into paralysis.
You see I am straight and I am female and I am afraid that my work will be discounted as not “authentic” enough. Meaning that I have no business writing for a gay studio. However it is still a little known fact that fully one third to one half of the audience for gay erotic porn are women.

     This is something that the U.S. studios are still a bit slow to embrace but it will come in time I believe.

     However something has happened to me and my view as I have started this new field of writing and that is the people I have been encountering along the way. I thought I was an open minded person when it came to sexual orientation but I am starting to see how na├»ve and sometimes hurtful my views have been.

     It is not enough to say I am for equal rights for all when I do not even see the rights I take for granted every day.

     My eyes are starting to open and self examination for me is difficult at times. For I now realize, as unintentional as it might have been, I have caused others pain and I need to rectify that, if just for my own peace of mind.

     Each time I dissect a long held understanding it gets blown away by the new people and issues I am discovering through my writings.

     That is why I have started to commit these feelings and examinations to the written word to stop them from whirling around in my head.

    So wish me luck on this new journey little blog. I am scared but I am willing to try.

Shadow Sterling

Take The Straight Quiz

Straight Quiz

1.  What do you think caused you to be Straight?

2.  Do you think it was because you were brought up in a single parent household?

3.  Are you Straight because you are secretly afraid of the people of your same sex?

4.  Is it because you viewed porn that you are now calling yourself Straight?

5.  Do you think being Straight is a mental illness?

6.  Do you think it was because you played with dolls instead of trucks when you were a kid that you are Straight?

7.  What do your parents think of you coming out as Straight?

I know you can see how ridiculous these questions are but these and many more are the questions LGBT individuals are bombarded with from all sides.  So please take a moment and try to see things from another's perspective.

I Am Bob, Not Your Gay Friend Bob

We think we are in a more enlightened time but are we? 

How many times have you heard something like this, "my friend Bob and I went for a bike ride yesterday by the lake and it was great.  You know he is gay".

Why do we do that?

Can't you just say you had a nice bike ride.  Or that your friend is a funny person, or smart or thoughtful. How would you feel if someone reduced you down to what you do in the bedroom?

We are all people after all and we pretty much want the same things out of life.  If you are afraid you might say something to offend or embarrass a friend in the LGBT community then ASK THEM!

We cannot move past our fear or embarrassment if me do not know and ignorance is just as bad as staying silent.

Friday, April 6, 2012

What Straight People Can Do Now

     This might be a somewhat uncomfortable subject for some straight people because they do not know where to begin or if they are wanted.  However LGBT organizations do acknowledge the phrase "preaching to the choir".   

     There are LGBT organizations who DO want us included in the discussions like
Straight For Equality - created by PFLAG National

The folowing is a partial reprint from their FAQ page.

Why should straight people be interested in issues facing Gay, Lesbian, Bi, and Transgender people?  

Many people have a gay friend and want to make things better for them. Others have realized that discrimination against any group is wrong and needs to be stopped. Some believe that, in the words of Martin Luther King, Jr., “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere”. Still others want the opportunity to change history. To achieve equality, gay people need the help of straight allies. When we work together, we can affect great change. Besides, if you were being discriminated against, wouldn’t you want others to stand up for you? Here’s your chance.       

What are the issues gay people face anyway?  

There are a number of challenges that gay people face in their personal and private lives as a result of discrimination and bias. On a personal level, many are concerned about being rejected by their families and friends, worried about their safety, and are afraid of being rejected from their places of worship. On a more public level, gay people can still legally be denied employment, housing, and other rights straight people have simply because of who they are. To learn more about these challenges, visit the PFLAG National website.  

If I get involved in Straight for Equality, will people think I’m gay?

The assumption that someone would only care enough to raise the issue of equality for gay, lesbian, bi, and transgender people if they themselves are gay still happens, and, for some people, this can be an uncomfortable reality at first.
Simply being aware of this possibility gives you power to handle it on your own terms. You can clarify that you are straight, or leave the question unanswered.  If you choose not to answer, it will often lead to a more detailed discussion about orientation and give you and the people you’re speaking with an opportunity to talk about the issue. This experience can offer a valuable perspective into the lives and challenges gay people deal with all the time.
Working through any anxiety you may have for being mistaken for being gay – and being able to have a good laugh about it – will give you the confidence and the tools to have a deeper discussion with others about the issue. 

For the complete FAQ page from Straight For Equality please click on the link